Is it better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all?
I have no idea, and in fact am not entirely sure whether it is better to have loved and lost or to have loved and won. These are frequent discussions with my niece, whose revolving door paramour policy and intense desire to be married (after all, at 25, she's "not getting any younger" and is "falling behind schedule") create incessant discussions about "relationships." She seems genuinely surprised and distraught at each of the latest break-ups, as she thought "this could have been the one." I keep telling her, at these times as well as the dawning of the latest romance made in heaven, that almost all relationships will and must end, so just enjoy the ride, try to get off at the right stop, and wait for the next bus. She sees this as "harsh," but statistics are on my side. How many does one date before (if) marrying? How many marriages survive? How many of those surviving marriages can really be characterized as happy? And for the infinitesmal number that remain, how many are lucky enough to have their spouse die first? Do the math: if you date 50 people before marrying, and half of marriages fail with 20% of those that stay together happy, and there's a 50% chance that your spouse will die first, that's an at best one in a thousand chance that the current light of your life will bring you the eternal bliss you seek and perhaps expect. So accept the transience of love, enjoy it while it's there, and get out while you can.
Alas, I have come to this liberating epiphany far too late, but it's not too late for the 21-25+ year olds I see in class. I wish I could discuss stuff like this with them, though it would probably sound like the embittered pontifications of a cynical old man. After all, what meaning does carpe diem have for the immortal and omniscient youth?
I have no idea, and in fact am not entirely sure whether it is better to have loved and lost or to have loved and won. These are frequent discussions with my niece, whose revolving door paramour policy and intense desire to be married (after all, at 25, she's "not getting any younger" and is "falling behind schedule") create incessant discussions about "relationships." She seems genuinely surprised and distraught at each of the latest break-ups, as she thought "this could have been the one." I keep telling her, at these times as well as the dawning of the latest romance made in heaven, that almost all relationships will and must end, so just enjoy the ride, try to get off at the right stop, and wait for the next bus. She sees this as "harsh," but statistics are on my side. How many does one date before (if) marrying? How many marriages survive? How many of those surviving marriages can really be characterized as happy? And for the infinitesmal number that remain, how many are lucky enough to have their spouse die first? Do the math: if you date 50 people before marrying, and half of marriages fail with 20% of those that stay together happy, and there's a 50% chance that your spouse will die first, that's an at best one in a thousand chance that the current light of your life will bring you the eternal bliss you seek and perhaps expect. So accept the transience of love, enjoy it while it's there, and get out while you can.
Alas, I have come to this liberating epiphany far too late, but it's not too late for the 21-25+ year olds I see in class. I wish I could discuss stuff like this with them, though it would probably sound like the embittered pontifications of a cynical old man. After all, what meaning does carpe diem have for the immortal and omniscient youth?
posted by Dead Man Blogging at
10:43 PM
1 Comments:
Hi. I clicked the button [next blog] and this is where it got me. I just started blogging myself- and although I haven't blogged about it yet- I totally agree with your wishes. To somehow slow the "youngsters" (I'm 32) down and have them relax about life and marriage. I personally have a nanny whom I have tried to preach this message to...as well as some young female coworkers. I think there are mixed messages in the media- about love, life, marriage and reality in general. On that note- I dare you to click on my name and check out my site. Maybe that's why I found your blog- so you could come read mine. Best of luck with your niece- I hope she sticks it out- realizes her worth and waits for Mr. Perfect! Although that's an oxymoron, I know.
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home