The Karaoke Theory of Life

I read some time ago, in the Book of Lists, I think, that the number one fear that people have is public speaking. Number two is death. As a dedicated introvert (to the point of pathology in my earlier years), I understand. I also have come to understand that the fear of public speaking is just a facet of the fear of failure. While addressing that larger topic may cost you $100 per 50 minute hour, in regards to public speaking I can offer this observation beyond the typical "imagine your audience naked" pap. Audience members may or may not be interested in your message, but they typically fall into three categories in their attitude towards you: those who like you, don't like you, and don't care. Those in the first category are on your side and will usually be slightly supportive; those in the second category are typically not there; those in the third category are by far the largest portion of the audience.

Unfortunately, most people go through life mostly concentrating on themselves. Did you ever notice, for instance, that most people have two criteria for judging the quality of a photograph: 1) am I in it? 2) do I look good? So if you are insecure and worry about what other people are thinking about you, take heart in the likelihood that a few are rooting for you, and most are not thinking about you at all, but rather themselves.

The second secret to public speaking is being prepared. Know what you're talking about. Don't think that you can "wing it." You can't. Not only will you be bad, but you'll probably take a long time doing it. But once again, if you are bad, the worst that can happen is that for an instant people will think, "That wasn't very good, but let's get back to me." What creates in you deep and endless self-recriminations are but a shallow and momentary diversion from self for most listeners. Your perception of a profound and abject failure is a tiny blip, if that, on their emotional radar, little considered and soon forgotten.

The flip side of all this is to realize that you are probably no different than your audience in your seemingly infinite self-absorbtion. What does it matter what people think of you? But again, that may require a few more "sessions" before you can pass that Coach handbag, razor cell phone, or mirror.

So the moral of the story is to a) understand that most people really aren't judging you because they are busy thinking about themselves; b) quality is a product of preparation (a variation of the old "genious is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration"), and c) get over yourself. Once you've gotten through the presentations a few times, you'll realize that you can do it. You won't like it, but you'll know that you can get through it. That's important. It's OK to be nervous to some degree, as that means you care, but learning how to function under stress is invaluable.

Now can we please outlaw that excruciating cry for attention called "Karaoke?"