Romance in the Non-Fiction Section
There used to be something called the "senior panic" many years ago. Back then, as students, especially women, came to their senior year, there was much pressure to get engaged, the thinking being that marriage after college (or high school, for some) was a much dicier proposition. Thankfully, times have changed, and people get married later, but has that made the choices wiser?You've seen the stats, where marriage is basically a coin flip regarding the odds of staying together. For a second marriage, you've either learned from your mistakes, or repeat them. But how will marriage happen for you, likely a few years out of college? In high school and college, dating for you (unlike previous generations) often begins as a group activity, where friends in the group become more and then are cut from the herd. But after college, things change; groups become smaller and disappear, and meeting people becomes more problematic as you are no longer surrounded by single people in your age range. Perhaps it is a chance meeting, perhaps it is the somewhat sad club ritual, and perhaps it is "electronically facilitated." More likely, though, you will meet people through the traditional means: work and friends.
Before I leave the topic, I can't resist tossing in my hard-earned two cents on why young folks marry and why so many of those marriages do not endure. Marriage is hard and will not be the fantasy you imagine. The "honeymoon" will end at some point. You read that disputes over financial matters are the big driver of divorce, or that "communication" is the problem. I have my doubts. There is an old saying that a man marries hoping the woman will not change, and a woman marries hoping the man will. This translates, stereotypically, to a woman seeing "potential" in the man to provide "security." For the man, it is too often about looks, i.e., sex. Both may be disappointed in time. I'd like to think that these pitiful cliches are changing, and to help that along, let me offer this advice: women, let him be himself, and men, marriage is what you do out of bed.
Labels: dating after college, marriage
posted by Dead Man Blogging at
3:23 PM
1 Comments:
MMM...Well i agreed with most of which you laid out...based on statistical data and a fair amount of common sense, which I know you have...i wonder how those points can be transformed into constructive resources for the masses. I mean what does it all really mean??? I often think about gender expectations and where I am deficient in myself, looking for completion from another and always end up feeling guilty for being so needy when really that is the basic nature of the (female) beast LOL...the question must be asked, doesn’t a man actually like to feel like his woman needs him ….to an extent? And the woman feels content in the knowing she is taken care of…to an extent? I don’t know...To be honest I feel the whole women's movement ruined so much of what used to be right in society and families and the inner dynamics involved…and that is coming from a woman!!! Housing would be cheaper, if women just left the earning up to the men and families would be more intact if the men just left the home making to mothers/wives vs daycare, nannies and housekeepers…I really believe the whole thing boils down to respect of roles and clearly expressed expectations …if one does not value the other, they will always think the balance is “unfair” and harbor resentments which really seems to be, in my observation, what is the relationship killer of most “normal unions”…We are now at a point where a woman working is no longer an proclamation of self sufficiency, but rather necessity to the family livelihood and that does do a number on a mans self esteem, and it’s not natural. So in conclusion, I can certainly see how that can take have adverse effects on a relationship, not to mention the kids and the expectations they are learning for our future generations :/
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