Helicopter Students
There has been a fair amount written about "Helicopter Parents," and they are certainly a topic in academic circles."The media, pediatricians, psychologists and even the college dean, they've all got you figured out -- or so they say. They're calling you a helicopter parent. Get it? Because you hover?
You're a baby boomer, right? OK, then. Listen up, because this is what they're saying about you:
| Guillermo Munro/P-I | ||
You're too obsessed with your children. You treat them like little princes and princesses -- like they're No. 1, like they're MVPs. You've painstakingly planned their lives from their first play date to their first day of college.
They're your little Renaissance kids. You shuttle them from soccer practice, to clarinet lessons, to karate, and -- because they will be going to a great college -- to SAT prep class. Whoops! Speaking of which: You're late.
You inflate their egos. You give them graduation ceremonies even when it's just from preschool. You give them a trophy at the end of the season even when they lose. And by the time they get to college and are asked who their hero is, your child will say those words you long to hear: My dad. My mom.
Yes, helicopter parent, your intentions are good, but that rotor of yours is causing a din. Bring her down to terra firma. Let's talk." (from "No escape from 'helicopter parents'" by Felix Carroll)
But what about the child of these parents? We in academia often talk about these teflon students who have little concept of responsibility and consequences. Stay up all night to finish a paper? No, that would be bad for me, so of course I'll get an extension. Printer ran out of ink? It would be inconvenient to go to lab to print it, so of course I can email it or hand it in late. How could I get a C-? I've never gotten less than a B, so of course it must be the instructor's fault.
And why not? For some of you (and fortunately, we don't see great numbers of these students) it's never been your fault, and there's always been somebody there to fix it. Now we in college (and even in the workplace!) are seeing that somebody, and that somebody more often than not is your parent. We don't want to see your parent, as you are supposed to be the adult. It's bad enough that you may have an unrealistic sense of entitlement, and we understand that college is kind of a half-way house on the journey to adulthood, but speaking to overbearing, enabling parents is not only unpleasant and ridiculous, it is demeaning to all concerned, especially you. Yes, the road to hell is paved with the best intentions; sometimes your helping parents are not helping. But it is not completely their fault. You are allowing it.
Labels: Helicopter parents
posted by Dead Man Blogging at
10:34 PM
2 Comments:
I appreciate the spirit of your post, and as a child psychologist, I am concerned with the overparenting phenomenon. I also am increasingly convinced that though these parents (and their kids) represent the extreme, this is much more widespread problem (albeit to varying degrees) and that it is a reflection of pressures happening in our culture, not the least of which is how competitive it is to get into college.
I realize that there are tons of other "healthier" ways to respond to the fact that at least up until the economic crash this year increasing numbers of kids are applying to and going to colleges, but at least the most prestigious schools haven't changed their class sizes in decades. This does create built-in failure experiences for kids (which is not a bad thing in and of itself). But as the bullseye for success in our culture has narrowed, this will create anxiety, and the helicoptering from an early age is one of the ways that this anxiety has been addressed.
So... can we all look at how to change the system and rather than just blaming these families, work at changing the pressures in our culture that are also there from an early age that focus on success at any cost. I know it is very difficult to get beyond the entitlement of it all, but just because the behavior of these families is nauseating, doesn't mean that they are the only ones to blame for it.
I wrote my new book: Freeing Your Child from Negative Thinking: Powerful, Practical Strategies to Build a Lifetime of Resilience, Flexibility and Happiness as an antidote or alternate path for the parent who wants the best for their kids (who doesn't?). The punch line-- want the best, but help your child create it him/herself rather than handing it on a silver platter.
Tamar Chansky
www.freeingyourchild.com
I appreciate your comment, Tamar, but I do have mixed feelings about it. Not so much about the points that you raise, as they are good ones, but that you appear to be using the comment as a promotional vehicle. I almost erased it for that reason, but it is interesting that folks would cruise blogs, presumably by keywords, as a means to promote their book or other cause. Though mildly annoying, it is a creative and industrious application of guerrilla marketing.
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