Self-help

Being a little kid is like being on a quiz show.  All day long people are asking you what things mean, if you can do things, and a million other tests of knowledge and skill.  It gets better as we get older, but not much.  At least for you in college, those tests are compartmentalized into identifiable evaluative instruments.  And then you get the sheepskin, and finally you can start asking the questions.  Or so I thought.

Now Al Bundy (married with children), I find myself peppered with questions and tasks all day long.  "Dad/Honey, what does this mean?  Can you fix this? How does this work?" etc.  I purposely avoided playing video/computer games in my youth, as I knew I would never rest until I found the princess (an old Mario reference, though Mario has made a comeback so maybe even the youngsters know it), but now I am expected to know everything from setup to game play for every system and every game.  I didn't pay as much attention to my dad as I should have when he showed me how to do stuff, but now I am expected to fix every invention since the industrial revolution.  I chose a Mac computer in the 1980s since I didn't want to learn DOS and technical computer stuff, but now I'm supposed to be the computer geek.  And the list goes on. And on.

These family members (and sometimes coworkers, friends, etc.), don't seem to realize that most of us know only what we know, and we only know that with which we have experience.  So if your computer questions involve fantasy sports, PowerPoint presentations, or bad college administration systems, maybe I can help.  But the odds are I not only don't know the answer, I probably don't even fully understand the question.  So to try to answer your question I'm going to have to stumble around and learn something new or more likely just get lucky and click something that works (if I don't make it worse or break it).  Even when I tell you that I don't know how, you still expect me to do it.  So why is it that you impose upon others instead of imposing upon yourself?

Pet Peeve

There are some good pet names out there, but often people don't seem to put a lot of effort into naming pets.  Sometimes it's due to letting the kids name the pet, in which case you'd expect to get a simple "Snowball" or "Fluffy" or the like.    But a lot of times it's just choosing something fast and easy.  Out of curiosity I looked up the most popular pet names in the U.S. (they must be accurate, as they come from bowwow.com):

1.  Max          6.  Smokey       11.  Molly            16.  Patch

2.  Tigger       7.  Maggie        12.  Bailey          17.  Lady

3.  Jake         8.  Bear             13.  Sassy          18.  Lucky 

4.  Tiger         9.  Sam             14.  Shadow      19.  Sadie

5.  Buddy     10.  Kitty             15.  Simba         20.  Misty

Now I know that since these are the most popular names, you wouldn't expect to see the imaginative and uncommon ones on the list.  Yet the point remains that not a lot of time goes into the selection of pet names.  Of course, giving a lot of time to the task does not insure good names- witness people with names like Colin and Fanny- but at least take some time to see the personality of the animal.  There are even pet name books now for the truly uninspired.  Sometimes pets are obtained in pairs and get "couple" names, like Rocky's fish Cuff and Link.  Those can be cute, as long as they're not overly intellectual or trendy. One thing, though.  If a child ever brings home an animal, don't let him/her name it.  As soon as it has a name, it's yours.

IT- Infinitely Troublesome

It's a common criticism that programmers have little idea of user needs.  Here's another one from work recently.  We've now been subjected to automated submission and approval of time reports.  That in itself seems like a good idea, except that no one can figure out how to report their time, there are no instructions on how to do so, and no way to check if it is accurate.  

Training sessions for most computer learning tend to be adult versions of Simon Says, where the trainer clicks things and the trainees try to keep up with clicking the same things to produce the same images, not really having time to process this seen-for-the-first-time information but presenting the appearance of learning since the same screens show. Should anything actually be learned, it will certainly be forgotten by the time the software actually has to be used.  Of course, you might get a 20 page handout of instructions and screen shots, and it's possible that the answer you seek a month after the training session might actually be in there somewhere.  Equally likely, though, is that the system will have changed by then.  

My particular favorite aspect of this "intuitive" time reporting system is that instead of coding for time worked, it codes for time missed.  However, days you are expected to miss, such as holidays, are not coded as time missed, though holidays are not labeled on the time sheet, which of course arrives electronically a couple of weeks afterward so who remembers.  Other time missed must be coded using Druidian symbols, or so they appear.  But if no missable time is missed, then a zero is placed in the Saturday column (no instructions for that- it can only be known through a revelation from God).  Still, we get through it, and when on the approving side, typically approve whatever is submitted since there is no way to check anyway, as everything is self-reported so the accountability system has no accountability in the first place.

Also, the programmers have a new time reporting time saver now.  To request time off, there is a new software module, but to make things more interesting it is not placed in the time reporting section and requires a lottery ticket to find.  After jumping through all the hoops the request is submitted, which then generates an email to the approver.  This system takes the place of the requester sending an email to the approver.  It's kind of like using the calculator function on a computer.  It's progress.

Central Falls...Slowly I turn...

Falling behind on posts, so here's one that's not mine.  This is from Bill Maher's show about the firing of every teacher at Central Falls High School  in Rhode Island due to low test scores. It's an old story, but interesting.

"New Rule: Let’s Not Fire the Teachers When Students Don’t Learn — Let’s Fire the Parents
-Bill Maher 

New Rule: Let’s not fire the teachers when students don’t learn – let’s fire the parents. Last week President Obama defended the firing of every single teacher in a struggling high school in a poor Rhode Island neighborhood. And the kids were outraged. They said, “Why blame our teachers?” and “Who’s President Obama?” I think it was Whitney Houston who said, “I believe that children are our future – teach them well and let them lead the way.” And that’s the last sound piece of educational advice this country has gotten – from a crack head in the ’80’s. 

Yes, America has found its new boogeyman to blame for our crumbling educational system. It’s just too easy to blame the teachers, what with their cushy teachers’ lounges, their fat-cat salaries, and their absolute authority in deciding who gets a hall pass. We all remember high school – canning the entire faculty is a nationwide revenge fantasy. Take that, Mrs. Crabtree! And guess what? We’re chewing gum and no, we didn’t bring enough for everybody. 

But isn’t it convenient that once again it turns out that the problem isn’t us, and the fix is something that doesn’t require us to change our behavior or spend any money. It’s so simple: Fire the bad teachers, hire good ones from some undisclosed location, and hey, while we’re at it let’s cut taxes more. It’s the kind of comprehensive educational solution that could only come from a completely ignorant people. 

Firing all the teachers may feel good – we’re Americans, kicking people when they’re down is what we do – but it’s not really their fault. Now, undeniably, there are some bad teachers out there. They don’t know the material, they don’t make things interesting, they have sex with the same kid every day instead of spreading the love around… But every school has crappy teachers. Yale has crappy teachers – they must, they gave us George Bush. 

According to all the studies, it doesn’t matter what teachers do. Although everyone appreciates foreplay. What matters is what parents do. The number one predictor of a child’s academic success is parental involvement. It doesn’t even matter if your kid goes to private or public school. So save the twenty grand a year and treat yourself to a nice vacation away from the little bastards. 

It’s also been proven that just having books in the house makes a huge difference in a child’s development. If your home is adorned with nothing but Hummel dolls, DVD’s, and bleeding Jesuses, congratulations, you’ve just given your children the gift of Duh. Sarah Palin said recently she wrote on her hand because her father used to do it. I rest my case. 

When there are no books in the house, and there are no parents in the house, you know who raises the kids? That’s right, the television. Kids aren’t keeping up with their studies; they’re keeping up with the Kardashians. We’re allowing the television, as babysitter, to turn us into a nation of slutty idiots. By the way, one sign your 9-year-old may be watching too much One Tree Hill: if she has an imaginary friend with benefits."