Whoopee

A test of one's security is what you do when you sit on a suddenly "squeaky" seat cushion eliciting a sound that mimics that of an embarrassing sound associated with a body function.  Most people will try to reproduce the sound to "prove" that is was the couch/chair rather than him/her.  Odd behavior, but most of us seem to do it.

Perhaps the more interesting case, though, is when the sound really is from the person.  This isn't particularly common, as most people have sufficient self control (as opposed to the "eight year olds" who actually make an effort to be coarse).  But what does a person do, and what does the "listener" do, on those rare unfortunate occasions?  In polite and professional circles, the sound never happened.  It is just ignored, presumably not to embarrass the "offender."  In impolite or unprofessional company, the crowd reverts to a pack of eight year olds in persecuting the "offender," and there are few things funnier than embarrassing body functions to an eight year old (and most men are eight year olds in bigger bodies).  Of course, many of these "offfenders" are intentionally so.

There is a middle ground.  A simple "pardon me" is actually kind of classy for those times when one couldn't get to the lavatory and light a match. (I actually dated someone who used to do that.  Kind of quaint, really).  Or maybe a little joke ("Oh, the geese are flying low.") and then just move on.  And move on is the key.

Press release?

How can clothing manufacturers get away with labeling dress shirts "wrinkle free" or "permanent press?" Wrinkle resistant, OK, but without wrinkles?  Not happening.  Even "steaming them" by a hot shower isn't going to do the trick, like anybody really does that (though a lot of us have tried it once), and it's not like you can put a shirt between the mattress and box spring like you can with pants (better line up the seams and pleats just right, though).  Of course, if you're going to wear a sweater over a shirt, the issue is obviously moot.  And it's not so bad if you'll be wearing a suit/sports jacket with a tie, as the exposed area is not that noticeable and will even out a little bit as your body warms up the shirt.  Wear a 100% cotton dress shirt?  Looks good once and never again.  Iron?  Who's got time (or a spouse that will do that)?  So when it comes time to wear a dress shirt, it has to be wrinkle free, but wrinkle free it will never be, except on those rare occasions when you really shouldn't have wrinkles and will have to pull out the flat thing that gets hot.  Of course, you can always send them out to the laundry for a buck a shirt or so, plus transportation time and aggravation, but not many of us will do that.

Got milk?

I got a flyer in the mail from Hooters, which is about as close as I've ever been to the place.  I don't really understand the concept.  Not so much seeing attractive women , which resonates with all men, or at least 90% of them, I guess.  But what exactly is the point?  What does one expect to happen there?  Will a young buxom waitress become smitten with your suave manner of ordering hot wings, or at your clever and subtle double-entendre that she's only heard a thousand times or so?  But if it's all about an opportunity to admire the female form, which strikes me as a bit sad, well, if you want to pay your money to gawk, go right ahead, it's your money. 

But here's what really befuddles me.  On this flyer it says, "Kids Eat Free Every Saturday." What?  Now there's some good quality time for dad and little Timmy.  But the Hooters folks aren't dumb; they see the loophole, so underneath it says, "Must be 12 and younger and order from the children's menu."  

Stop the Madness

Memes, viral videos, and the various internet fads can occasionally be entertaining, but usually they're just dumb, much like 90% of the shared email friends send you to enlighten and brighten your day.  Except for the patently absurd and erroneous  hoaxes we all get way too often, most of the things our well-intentioned friends send are innocuous and easily ignored, and usually their hearts are in the right place.  But please, make the cute kitty pictures stop!  The ubiquitous lolcat photos just aren't as hilarious and cute as you imagine.  Saccharine, silly, slightly annoying, yes, funny and adorable, not so much.


By the way, (and I really am not in such a hurry that I have to use "btw."  In fact, no one is ever in such a hurry.), why would anyone call a class of perfume products "Toilet Water?"
 
   

Ps and Qs

A few months ago I wrote about the actions and responses associated with the apparently simple act of letting a waiting driver cut ahead of you into traffic (Alphonse and Gaston, 1/23/11).  After writing that I was curious to see if my perceptions about the ingratitude of those let in were correct or products of selective perception.  Historically, letting someone cut in front of you merits a wave, head nod, or smile.  So for the last few months I've been keeping track, informally, of the number of people who acknowledge the kindness of being let into traffic.   I've probably observed well over a hundred cars let into traffic, by me and others, and it appears that only about 30% of the people let in actually give the figurative thank you.  In fact, I've tried to note in general the behavior of people in "please and thank you" situations and am disappointed at how infrequently these words are used.  But I guess that is something that an "old person" would say, isn't it?