Claude Rains

I may have mentioned in a earlier blog how surprising it was to have become invisible, not that I was ever particularly visible in the first place.  I don't really think about this much until those rare occasions when somebody actually sees me.  I'm not talking about work, where all day long people I don't know are saying hello to me, as wearing a suit apparently seems to fool people into thinking you're somebody.  No, I mean like in the supermarket a couple of days ago, where an attractive younger woman (and suddenly that means 35-40, ouch!) smiled at me and made eye contact like might have happened, albeit rarely, a couple two three (a local expression) decades ago.  But while these rare occasions are somewhat surprising, what really took me aback was that I don't know if I even had the courtesy to smile back.  By the time what was happening registered in my tiny brain I was by her.  I just passed by her expressionless, and didn't feel any particular desire to redress the discourtesy.  I don't know when becoming invisible happens, and especially when it becomes accepted.

So I'm not talking about men that can be seen. We know that at least half of them cheat, though I have no idea how such statistics are gathered as a cheater is likely to be a liar too.  And obviously there are some men that don't cheat because they don't have the opportunity, the corollary being that if given the chance they would and do cheat.  The "men as hounds" notion requires no elaboration.  But of the faceless masses, how many continue to believe and act as though they can be seen? The interesting part is not so much the shameless attempts or utter lack of conscience in inappropriately approaching women, even the clearly unattainable ones (they're men, after all), but the apparent disregard, disbelief, or distorted perception of the invisibility that comes at some point during middle age.  Judging from the bleacherfulls of stocky, dyed-hair weathered soccer moms ubiquitous at the kids' various events, the same phenomenon may happen to women, but I can't be sure as they are invisible to me.

There are probably ways to combat and overcome the invisibility.  Probably the most obvious way for men is to acquire wealth or power, as many women look for and therefore see those that can show-me-the-money. But what does the common Joe do?  Live long, for the ratios become increasingly  favorable with age.  What do women do?  Those women still desperately trying to cling to her fading beauty- you know, the ones with the leathery skin, troweled make-up, still showing the bony sternum with now-saggy cleavage, often real estate agents- have become a tragic icon.  How do they become visible?  I suppose that if they still have enough looks they can go for cougar status or enough dough they can go the Norma Desmond route (though I am skeptical as to how many of these "kept men" really exist), but really most have to go up in age to be seen.  In other words, most men can only see women younger than them, and this becomes especially pronounced as men age, so that most 45 year old women can only be seen by men that are 60+, which is kind of ironic in that when the surviving men finally get to an age where they can pick from the large number of old ladies available, many still try for the 20 years younger women.  Other options for both invisible men and women is to drastically lower standards, get a cat, or actually get lucky and find someone that isn't as superficial as most of us.

image from deformeddestructive.blogspot.com