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The apex of egocentricity.

Unless a group discussion is specifically requested or implied by the sender, who should probably be using SharePoint or such if that is the case, please don't reply to the rest of us.  I really don't want to have my email clogged with those self-important but ultimately vapid opinions, particularly yours.  Besides, if I keep having to attend to all of these "reply alls," I might miss out on getting my Irish Sweepstakes winnings presently in the hands of a good Samaritan in Ethiopia and requiring only a modest bank deposit on my part.

Before the horse

Grocery carts really haven't gotten much better over the years.  When I was a kid comedians were joking about that wobbling or intractable fourth wheel, and it's not much different now.  But I don't like that some newer carts have that cupholder.  Like we don't have enough shoplifters and people with zero impulse control now, so let's encourage these ill-mannered louts to grab a soda off the shelf and enjoy a beverage while they stroll aimlessly down the aisles.  That is, if they can get by those humvee-sized carts pushing too-big kids around.   And then there are the cell phone talkers and socializers causing bottlenecks.  Even the men carrying handbaskets, well-intentioned as they are, find they buy too much for the little basket and can't keep up the pace.  No, to move around quickly in a store you need a good cart.  Should you take the one offered by the greeter, if there is one?  Like they care.  Should you grab one from the line?  Risky, even if you can separate those two carts stuck together.  So what to do?  Your best odds for a good cart is to snag one in the parking lot.  Yes, there is a little extra pushing involved, but the carts in the lot will on average be better than those in the store.

Did you get the notes?

A classic dilemma:  you've missed a class, the instructor has not entered the millenium and posted outlines/notes online, and you're not sure who in class can give you the notes. Ignoring the social factor for the moment, which of course is paramount in the sense that it may be an ice-breaker to meet someone or simply an easy solution to ask a friend, the question is who can give you the best notes. This may seem elementary, but the paradox here is that the best students take the worst notes.  While those notes may be well-organized, they tend to be sparse, as the best students are mentally involved.  They listen, jotting down conclusions, pertinent examples, and occasionally original thoughts not directly transmitted by the instructor. Copying these notes probably won't be particularly helpful.

Conversely, poorer students view notes as transcripts of the class, struggling to write down everything the instructor says.  The information typically goes in the ear, down through the arm, and onto the paper with precious little internalization.  These students often have the illusion that if something is not understood, it will be when the notes are reviewed later that day or in all probability the night before the exam.  So what this usually means is that the more a student writes during a lecture, the less s/he understands the lecture.

The answer to the paradox, then, is to get the notes from a dumb kid (to be more charitable, an earnest but struggling student), as though s/he understands the lecture less, s/he has taken more copious notes.  Of course, you may need your Captain Midnight decoder to decipher them.

Have a seat

More on the beginning of a new semester.  While it's tempting to make new semester resolutions as one might at New Years, we know, that just like the new diet, the promise to get and stay ahead on your reading and assignments will fail within a few weeks.  Rather, here's something you can use: sit in the front of the class.

This is counter to two cherished seating preferences of students.  First, at least 80% of students, I'd guess, tend to sit in the same seat all the time.  While this makes it easier to learn names and hand back assignments, it is really a curious social practice.  Sometimes it's just a matter of sitting next to the cute girl/boy or a cheating partner/target, but usually it has something to do with psychological comfort.  I don't know exactly what that is, but it is always amusing to see what happens when another student sits in a student's "regular" seat.

The second cherished seating preference deals with "hiding" in the back of the room.  This probably provides another kind of security related to being under less scrutiny.  But here's the thing.  Instructors believe that lesser students sit in the back, and that the better students sit in the front, with the best often in the front row.  Sometimes those first row students are a pain, the "little sir question" that has to say or ask something about everything, or that works too hard at currying favor.  But in general, students up front get the best grades.

So if you want a better grade, sit in the front row, and you will immediately communicate a likelihood that you are bright, and almost certainly create an impression that you are interested, which is huge in catching a break come grading time.

The picture?  That's Bob "I must be in the front row" Uecker, also known as Mr. Baseball.  Going back a long way for that early Miller Lite ad.

A student's new year

A new year, and soon a new semester.  As you're choosing classes,  you're probably most concerned with filling requirements, or worse yet, maybe you're just trying to find classes that meet at convenient times for you.  What a shame.  You probably work, and you want some balance in your life, but school has to be your top priority.  So choose classes the right way, and that right way is to take the best instructor you can.  If you remember nothing else, remember that the professor is more important than the subject of the course.  I guarantee that you'll never regret choosing a course on the basis of the quality of the professor, and by quality I'm not talking about how easy the course is, how high the grades are, or how many hot peppers are by his/her name.  You want the path of least resistance, fine, pay your money and waste your time.  It's your life.

You know what I mean by quality.  Choosing the best is especially important for your electives, as you probably have more chances to take the best.  Electives aren't opportunities to bump your GPA with bunnies like nutrition and film studies.  They're a chance to take the best professors at the college.  You will actually get more from a great professor in a subject you thought you had little interest in than a fair professor in a subject you love.  It doesn't matter what the subject is; it will be the subject you will always remember.