Chimps on Stage

We sometimes get calls from local TV stations (or other media/organizations) to provide expert commentary/presentations, usually with very little preparation time, sometimes just minutes.  We generally don't like to do these interviews because as academics (a relative term), we like to be well prepared, we want to communicate information of value, and to be honest, a lot of us don't love cameras, and cameras don't love a lot of us. Also, our vocation demands specialization for professional survival, so while the general population assumes that if you have a doctorate in a field that you are an expert in all things related to that field, the truth is that at best we know a lot about a little, and a little about a lot.  And rarely is anyone interested in the little about which we know something.

So our Communications Director gives me a call to see if I can find an economist.  As usual, there aren't any to be found, and they hate doing this stuff anyway.  I don't like doing it either, but sometimes you have to hold your nose and do what's good for the school.  This was one of those times, and as the topic wasn't a particularly difficult one for me, I could pretend to be an economist for a little while if I had to be.

I literally had 6 minutes to prepare before meeting with the reporter and cameraman, but I managed to dig up some pretty interesting stats and excellent explanatory information, which I was able to communicate reasonable effectively in the 5 minute interview.  I know they're just going to take a cut or two for the story, and just hope they'll use some of the good stuff.  The report was on three or four of their newscasts, but I didn't catch any of them, so I looked up the report online.  Sure enough, they chose the most simple-minded, vanilla pap that was introductory to the interesting and informative material. I understand the media's point of view, keep it simple, keep it fast, but I really think they underestimate and shortchange the audience, and we're often embarrassed but our simean-like portrayals as "experts."  A baboon could do what they're looking for.  So if the call comes in shortly for an expert analysis of retail sales for the holidays, I'm not going to be the guy that says, "The malls are really crowded as people look for last-minute bargains."

Never fails

Bird-dropping, crack, wiper streak.

Name three things that always appear at eye level on the driver's side windshield.

Those were the days, my friends, I thought they'd never end

Last night (Saturday), as I was walking the dogs at around 1:30 a.m. (What else do I have to do?  I'm married...), I came across a bra on the curb.  So naturally I picked it up.  Yeah, kind of creepy, but it told a story, a story that seemed so long ago.  It was a very nice Victoria's Secret bra, the type a young woman spends a fair amount of money on because it is to be seen.  The location on the front curb told me that she had been dropped off, so she was a younger woman living at home with her folks, whose car was parked in the driveway.  This was the Saturday night date with the boyfriend, and there was a multiple base hit involved.  She had gathered her belongings in her arms, including an undergarment or two (which tells a story in itself), and was intent on just slipping in the door unnoticed at the late hour.  I don't mean to be salacious, but this really took me back to another time.  Now I'm walking the dogs hours after my wife has gone to bed.  When did that happen?  (Actually, it's about a year after you're married- your results may vary.)

I actually contemplated hanging the bra on the antenna of the car in the driveway.  Wouldn't dad get a chuckle out of that.  But while that does seem a little funny, it is mean.  So I left the garment exactly where I'd found it to give the girl a fighting chance to find it before a family member did.

And one last thought on bras, about which I am not allowed to have many thoughts.  In the eternal debate as to whether it's OK to have visible bra straps, the correct answer is No. Never.  Unless you are on your fifth margarita and "trolling," or have been run over by a truck, this is just utterly classless and looks bad.  And that was the case when I was a young man, too.