The other side of the coin

The last post, UBU, considered those striving too hard to be individuals. But what about those with a strong need to "fit in?"Everybody wants to be unique, but when I look out into a class room it's typically a sea of jeans. The symbol of rebelion has become the hallmark of conformity. Whatever the peer group is, whether piercings or preppiness, religion or drugs, conformity reigns. Now I understand that there are certain tacit "rules" to which one must adhere in a culture in order to get along. That's part of the social contract, just as there are norms in the workplace (I'm pretty sure I don't enjoy wearing s suit to work, for instance), but I'm talking about an inordinate need for social acceptance. Yes, railing against peer pressure is a familiar theme, but my point is that it may not be so much about peers, but an internal insecurity driving this conformity. Granted, it is not always easy to be yourself. Advertisers, organizations, and conventions (and yes peers) are telling you who to be. Yet there is a fair amount of latitude within these norms, and you do not have to spend a few hundred dollars on a purse that has little value beyond its name, have sex at 16, or disparage others, for example, in order to find acceptance. If you need to do extraordinary things to be accepted by others, you need a new set of others, or better still, a new sense of self. So without further belaboring the obvious, this attempt to fit in is really much the same as the attempt not to fit in, the mirror reflection of the attempt to cultivate image. And once again, it will be much more genuine and gratifying (and a lot less effort) to just be you. Don't worry so much about being accepted by others, worry about accepting yourself.