Shoptalkers

This one's like shooting fish in a barrel, as who isn't annoyed by the innane and incessant cell phone chattering of those in public places (or cars)? It's bad enough seeing every third person (I've counted on our campus) attempting to feel important or secure (efficient multi-taskers? ... right) talking too loudly, ususally just chronicling every mundate movement in their day, to the dismay of the involuntary witnesses (or driving inattentively to the dismay of the potential targets). The utter boarishness and self-centeredness of those holding private phone conversations in every conceivable public place is common fodder for those contemplating the decline of modern civilization. What makes these supermarket shoptalkers unique is the depth of their absolutely vacuous conversations (wait, maybe that's not unique), as people converse about the merits of various brands of peanut butter and other pressing issues of the day. For God's sake, just be quiet, buy the Skippy and move along!

Cartdumpers

A variation of the lazylout, and most of the accursed are, this specimen is unable to walk the 50 feet or so (estimated round trip time: 15-20 seconds) to put the cart in the storage row where it belongs. As an added bonus, the dumped cart will typically block a car, door, or space, or even careen into vehicles on windy days, demonstrating the utter disregard of the social contract that forms the bedrock of civilization. Yes, it's just a little thing, but it is precisely those little things, particularly the unobserved ones, that define character. And what about the clods who take the cart out of the lot and dump it who-knows-where in the neighborhood? Yes, whatever the form of the selfish and boarish cartdumper, they have their own little circle in the Inferno.

Lazylouts

Among the most pernicious of supermarket malefactors, these come in several forms but are united in their utter disregard for civility coupled with malicious sloth. For example, when they realize that they, or their kids, have selected an item that is not really wanted, their solution is to place that item at the absolutely nearest available space, whether a shelf, a check-out stand, or whatever. Frozen food, potato chips, anything, just dump it, for "they have people for that." Well, the reason they have people to put back these items and clean up if necessary is that you are such a thoughtless slob that you can't do the right thing and put the item back where you found it. This is not the library (if you know what such a thing is) and there are no return carts. And by the way, if you or your kid accidently knocks something off a shelf, have the decency to expend a couple of calories (and odds are you could stand to do so) to put it back.

Samplegrazers

More laughable than anything else, these folks (often poor college students) load up on the legally free samples (kind of like the free snacks at bars, sometimes- ooh, chicken wings!), going way beyond the bounds of propriety, with no intent to buy or even listen. They're just hungry, and though the portions are as tiny as the taster's arsenal of social graces, the samples fall into the snacker's price range.

Grapeswipers

I saw a guy recently with absolutely no pangs of conscience or decency that "samples" produce, presumably to see if it is any good. That's just plain stealing, yet these thieves don't seem to recognize the purloining as shoplifting. You can thump, smell, and squeeze the mellons (good times, good times), calibrate the relative head sizes of lettuce, and use any sense you want other than taste to reasonably test the merchandise (no core samples, for instance), but you can't eat the food without paying for it. It's Russian Roulette with the grapes, pal. You buy them and hope they're not sour. That's why it's such a great idea for supermarkets to provide produce samples to the public to reduce the considerable risk in buying fruit in particular. But if the samples are not offered, it's not up to you to decide that you can provide your own samples. And no, it's not a cost of business, it's not expected by the supermarket, and not everyone does it. If you do, you're just a penny-ante thief.

"Pile it High, Sell it Low" (King Kullen)

An amazing place, the supermarket. On display are the miracles of twenty-first century technology and processes, the tactical maneuvers of contemporary business, and the behavioral customs and consumptions of modern society. These all have their good and bad points, of course. For example, the science and art of today's production and distribution processes are mind-boggling. The genetic engineering of crops, mechanized farming, high tech transportation and operational efficiencies and so much more to get so much to market so soon is phenomenal. Of course, there are costs for all this "progress." Dangerous chemical additives, the unethical treatment of animals, and the exploitation of labor (mostly Walmart) are among the many concerns, and frankly the costs may outweigh the benefits in delivering some of these products. Nevertheless- amazing.

Also amazing to me are the behaviors, or the misbehaviors, really, of people in the supermarket, which will probably be the subjects of the next couple of entries as I think of them.

Move Over, James Buchanan

There is a new contender for worst president ever*

*Unless the evil Hilary is elected, of course

Talkin' Trash

I remember that dinnertime as a kid would sometimes include references to starving kids in China as a basis for coercion to finish the meal. As an adult, those thoughts now have real meaning, and it is annoying to see people waste food in particular and resources in general.

I have reached the age where I am old enough to own things that wear out, which is quite an odd sensation. So OK, I'll buy the new clothes dryer and trust that the town will recycle the old one like they say it will. There are those that don't care where the old dryer goes, and that's a shame. I'm not saying that you have to be a total organic, know and minimze your carbon footprint, recycle everything in sight, etc. It would just be nice to have some sense of responsibility.

There are also those who will want something new solely because it is new. I guess I can barely understand the occasional new shirt, shoes, wallpaper, or whatever to brighten one's life. I suppose a little treat or reward is understandable, but there are so many people that are just black holes of self-interest whose needs and wants are insatiable, often justified by such offensive and nauseating narcissism as "I deserve it!" ...No, you don't, at least not more than anyone else. You're different, not better, and we're all "special," so none of us are.

Maybe you want to be first because you're a trendsetter. That's fine if you're an affianado, but if you're standing in line to buy an iPhone (seems like a great product, by the way, but maybe not at 5 or 6 Benjamins) so that other people can see that you have an iPhone (or Coach, or Mercedes, etc.), you are empty and won't have anything no matter how many things you have.

Maybe you just like nice things. Everyone does; they're nice things. But most of us know that they're just things, so if it's more than just a very infrequent indulgence and more of a hedonistic attitude and lifestyle, you're just spoiled, shallow, and selfish (This is the part where you typically use some ego defense- and no, I am not jealous, for instance- rather than engage in meaningful introspection.) And if you buy wanted but unneeded things because you can, know that the real nobility lies in not doing it though you can.

Still, if you are materialistic, hedonistic, insecure, or whatever drives you to want so many "things," you have the right and frankly, it's OK with me. Just finish your dinner, shut off the lights, and throw the trash away, or better yet, don't throw it away, because there is no "away" anymore.