Finding Waldo

In the previous two posts, i.e., UBU and The Flip Side, the admittedly straw man argument was made to not try too hard to be an individual or to fit in, but just be yourself. While that may seem a trite sentiment (but I maintain an uncommon reality, especially for younger people), being yourself may not be so easy. Though we are the "land of the free and home of the brave," the proverbial "melting pot," we are not very well equipped for "different."

We like to think of ourselves as tolerant and accepting, but are we really? You think your friends are all unique, for instance, but I'll wager they are far more alike, and similar to you, than you think. Just how many 70 year old Japanese women do you hang around with anyway? No, we are generally more comfortable with the familiar, the similar. And further, we not only seek the similar, but will also, sometimes subtly, coerce others to be similar. Your parents raise you to conform to their standards, your friends shape you to adhere to their norms, the media influences you by portraying paragons of normality, businesses sell products to the fat part of normal curve in their target markets, institutions (like school, church, military, clubs, work, scouts, gangs, etc.) tell you how to behave and even think, and on it goes.

The generations coming up are even more greatly impacted by "groupthink," due at least partly, and paradoxically, to technology. Today I saw someone on a hand-held cellphone while on a bike. My kids, as early as 4 or 5 years old, were being trained to make friends and communicate with them on sites like Toontown, Webkinz, and others. Teens can't seem to go more than moments with texting. And yet, this increased socialization is shallow and sterile. It is ironic, and rather sad, I think, that one could spend so much time with others without being with them, and I am not referring to just a physical proximity.

It is interesting that as the East becomes more westernized in many ways, there is a corresponding shift in the West towards eastern attitudes regarding social processes. Fading is the notion of rugged individualism. High Noon has been replaced by Our Gang as a cultural attitude. For example, dating used to be a one-on-one process where one got to know another. Now, dating often begins in groups, where one gets to know several until another is selected and partially cut from the herd. While I do think there is some wisdom to this, it is a fundamental shift in how romantic relationships are formed. Where such groups are not accessible or satisfactory, "virtual groups" (Facebook, Myspace, etc.) may be formed, and enlisting the aid of match-making media is now an acceptable alternative.

Now with all these forces and more telling you who you should be, no wonder it is so hard to know who you really are.